30 days, 30 letters: day 8 — your favorite internet friend

Dear friend,

It’s not because we’re only friends on the internet that’s why I am writing to you.

I just looked back since high school when internet started to become the in-thing. You amaze me with your knowledge on web lay-outing and you’re the only one who taught me to try it out though most of my blogs then were just shameless  journals. You also have shared your thoughts about Photoshop, painting and other forms of art, which we find here on the internet.

It’s unfortunate we were not able to get an art related course for all of these talents. But it comforts me to know that I am not alone when it comes to pursuing the arts despite our struggles being a nurse.

You’re an awesome friend! And not just because you’re good at the arts but you know how we’ve been through and we’re still here, talking. I just thought we might collaborate together and open our gallery soon!

One more thing, it’s funny that we’ve been exchanging messages on tumblr’s fanmail service when we actually have our cellphones to use. But it’s really fun! Something to look forward going online since my scarcity of followers. BAHAHA!

Get a little fat but stay health though. HAHAHA! You know what I mean.

God bless you!

30 letters, 30 days: day 5 — your dreams

How do you write a letter to your dreams? “Dear dreams?” Anyway…

Dreams,

I will never stop believing that someday I’ll be able to travel the whole world: Tuscany, London, Barcelona, Athens, Jerusalem, Tokyo, Jeju, Bali, Male, Sydney and Melbourne, Cairo, Rio, Mexico, Honolulu, Chicago, Los Angels, San Francisco, Las Vegas and some more if God permits. Oh mehn, that’s a lot of money.

And lately I’ve had the most awesome thoughts of what I want to do (and maybe I could do) a few years from now. Maybe these are some of the things I am frustrated about because I can’t avail to do them at the moment:
1. Play for a recital - violin or piano that I can say I really dealt with time and effort;
2. Open my art exhibit - probably paintings and sketches, which only a few I’ve done so far;
3. Write a novel - maybe about the drama of being a nurse and yet many people can relate to;
4. Manage an event organizing team - materializing impossible themes for parties and weddings;
5. Establish good photography and be credited for the quality I present people.

But above this ambitious list is that one passion I want to start soon, which is being a professor. I remember my dad and my sister used to tell me when I was younger that there was this one time I was so sick, I was asleep and was having a high fever. I suddenly spoke, (actually I shouted) “Gusto kong maging teacher! Gusto kong maging teacher!” (I want to be a teacher). I really desire to influence people, especially the young ones. I want to be a part of those who aim to mold the youth into good and godly citizens of tomorrow.

Ironically, I am really a shy person. I don’t easily find comfort in meeting new people but I am not the type who sulks in the corner, though. I try my best to participate. And I just take time to know people by observing them and later on knowing more in ways I find.

Lastly on my list to-date, but not the least, is to be able to be with the woman I’d love to spend my whole life with - the one that I’ll marry and have four children with. She would understand all my weirdness and would love the man I am, and who will never leave me even though my muscles sag and my head turns bald. I will do my best to stay healthy for our family, so that we can grow old together and watch our children live awesome lives.

I just pray that God leads me to all those good opportunities that will make all these dreams come true. And I hope that I’d have the courage to  enliven them. By the grace and will of God, I can. 

Available

Before anything else, I just want to plug my photoblog. Follow Sa Aking Durungajuan here on tumblr. Thanks!

It has been a month and a half (and counting) since I’ve become unemployed again and it allowed me to do what I have been wanting to do. I was able to start reading again (references and novels). I started baking brownies again (back to business). I did some cleaning at the murkiest areas of the house. I’ve been exploring my camera in pursuing my dreams to become a good photographer. I have been watching movies and some TV series again. I started teaching a friend how to play the violin (even though I am not yet good at it). I hanged out with my siblings and friends and shared my experiences with God. And I have washed the dishes plenty of times already.

A week ago, I was at Zambales and enjoyed the coves of Nagsasa and Anawangin. I was with new friends and trekked up the Nagsasa Falls. I felt like I was in the set of Hunger Games or Narnia as the scenery changes every distance we walked/climbed. We camped by the shore, bonded, stargazed and, of course, swam to our heart’s content. My words can’t explain the beauty and my awe of God’s creation. I’ll be posting photos of it soon on my photoblog.

Back home, I baked some more brownies, did some more chores and took more photos of home and the neighborhood. I became busy planning and preparing for my brownies business, which I hope to prosper this coming holidays. But for now, without pending orders, it seems like it’s my rest week. Hence my perfect time to sleep long enough, eat plenty enough and exercise much as I could to regain strength and composure.

Soon I’ll be visiting more places in my beloved country and I pray that the Lord will provide for me not only my finances and safety but also good companies who I can share awesome experiences with.

How great is our God and how much can I be grateful for all these things?

too blessed to be depressed: To the twentysomething who wants to change the world

toyangxcore:

To the twentysomething who wants to change the world

By Antoinette Jadaone

MANILA, Philippines - Dear Fresh Grad,

I think I saw you yesterday along Makati Avenue, wearing the most smart-casual attire your closet will allow, waiting for the traffic light to change to…

I picked up a red ballpoint pen and a cutter and put them inside the right pocket of my pants. Heading for what seemed to be a little dome-like room in a big convention hall, I was accompanied with two other. One of them was my classmate from high school but it has been ages since the last time we met.

She opened the door and a grand staircase welcomed us. I was a step behind them, walking towards something, or someone, I have not figured out yet. I know we should have went up the stairs but they turned right the hall and so I did. A man, whose eyes as if were hunting, came from the other side of the hall. Avoiding him, I looked down but I can still feel his eyes were on us.

We all made a left turn. It appears that we made it back to the staircase. Two of them headed up but I stayed down and gazed to my left to check if the man followed us. In a second, there was a commotion at the hall above. I ran up and found the two pretending to be members of the crowd witnessing the death of two other people. They were important people, I know.

I found myself running towards another staircase, this time it was smaller, and up until I found this room where I know another important person was staying in. Turning the knob clockwise with my left hand, I put the other in my pocket and held the pen I took earlier. I swung the door open. The man, whose age must be 60, was surprised to see me. Though he made that skeptic look, he kept himself sitting calmly on the couch. In a flash, I was clutching the old man’s collar and then stabbed him at the stomach straight through his diaphragm. I know I also hit the chest when the man started to cough out blood and eventually stopped breathing.

No one was there to rescue him nor catch me for the crime I did. I walked out the door and went home as if nothing happened. Nobody followed, not even the people who were with me.

I was in the bedroom we had before the renovation of the house. The clothes I’m wearing told me I’m about to sleep. I climbed up our double deck bed and was putting my blankets on when I heard someone knocking on our gate. My sister, who was beside me, asked me to go and open it for it might be our younger sister. I jumped down, ran towards the gate but, instead, found my brother-in-law.

It was early in the morning. I was back to reality. And it’s time for breakfast.

a dream in my dream

The crowd chattered from their seats that were arranged like a grid in a familiar four-cornered room. I realized I was sitting with these people and was chatting with a few whom I can’t recall their names or even their faces.

I’m sure it was not a lecture class because I reckoned a picture of my hands holding a sheet of paper with my cursive writings on it. It seemed like I wrote an essay of a topic I cannot recall at all. The noise went on and a person near my seat tipped that I did not make it through. So I figured out that I joined a contest.

The proctor came and started to announce winners of that essay-writing contest. People started cheering and jeering as I heard my name unbelievably first on the list. Reaching for my work, I saw different people coming in and was handing over the prizes to all who won the contest.

SHOCKED AND IN AWE, boxes of Nikon D3100 were being handed over among the winners. A few seconds after, I got mine! “HOOORAAA—WHAT? Not a Nikon nor even a DSLR?” - I told myself. I was disappointed as I held up the gold-plated camera although I had a feeling it’s one of the latest. Still, I WANT THE DSLR ONE!

I approached the proctor and asked if he could change it into Nikon D3100. Agreeing, he dashed out of the room to replace it. My heart was again rejoicing as I am about to finally have on of my dream cameras…

It was cold and, as I looked on my phone, was already 12 noon. I was gazing at my mint green wall when I realized I was already awake. It was my third DSLR dream, I thought, because I might have had more that I cannot recall. I hope that soon I’d finally own one.

promoting: Sa aking DURUNGAJUAN (On my window), my photoblog.

Lull me to sleep

It was a wierd night. I usually sleep at two or three in the morning but last night, I tried my might to sleep as early as 12. I might be blood donating later for a friend’s mum and I needed at least 6 hours of sleep. I laid down my bed and started playing my nightly playlist to lull me to sleep before 12. However, I think I fell asleep at around one in the morning.

Just around two hours after, I woke up and gasped to live again. I was lying on my left side, facing the wall. I cannot move a limb nor open my mouth to utter a word. I cried for help in my mind and tried my might to say at least expellarmus a word to drive away the monster clutching my body. To my relief, I broke free from something that was almost real. Almost - I hoped.

Dreams came on and off my mind. And just before I finally decided to see the morning, I dreamed that I was riding the train with a bunch of people I know. It was like a mute show that I spoke nothing and they were not talking as well. I thought we started the journey via LRT1. The train came to a stop. I looked out of the window and saw my cousin playing soccer, though the ball did not look like one, on a parking lot, not worrying about the luxurious cars he and his friends were hitting on. I thought it was even more weird because it’s supposed to be a view of the train’s platform instead of a parking lot with people goofing around.

The train moved again. The view became familiar that it made me feel like I was on MRT instead. I looked towards the back of the train and saw a very familiar building. Then I finally spoke, “Gusto kong magpunta sa SM North tapos mag mall-hopping to MOA. Then punta ng Cubao tapos Megamall.”

WEIRD. Ganun ba ako ka-bum na yung panaginip ko gusto ko raw gumala? HAHAHAHA! Next dream, I’ll be mall-hopping.

Great day, everyone!

A Hug

I should have written this earlier when I was awakened by a dream. It was vivid and clear, as I’ve known it. But all I can remember now is just that I dreamt. The excitement from having the chance to create a good entry for today is now gone. It was a good dream. And now, all I know is that I’m still not good in remembering.

The first part of my dream is an adventure. I thought it is for my heart jumped crazily and my lungs grasped for more air during that moment. I was panting yet I was still running to reach my mom so that I can tell her what just happened (that I still can’t remember. gawd.).

My feet was getting numb as I halted in front of my parents. My parent-S. PARENTS. I turned my back on my mom and found myself staring at the person I miss so much - MY DAD. He’s as alive as ever! He’s as perfectly healthy as he used to be!

Without anything said, I embraced him tight as I can and pressed my cheeks on his fat beer belly. It was like the happiest moment I’m having although my senses are telling me then that I am just in a dream. Still, I savored the moment I know I’ll never have again.

Shortly after deciding to keep the dream going on, I narrated to them what happened and, like what parents do, they took turns in pointing out lessons in that part of my life. As much as I wanted to recall what they said, all I remember was my dad’s simple statement…

“Ingatan mo na ang sarili mo sa susunod,” he said.

The smile crossed his face as I was looking into and was trying to remember the details of his ragged (because of the beard and mustache) but handsome face (kanino pa ba ako magmamana? HAHAHA!). Once more, I wrapped my arms around him. This time, I noticed that I am standing yet my head was just on my dad’s tummy level. I thought maybe I was a kid in that dream. Or maybe because it was merely and totally just a dream - a dream that is dimensions apart from the reality that my father has long been biologically dead and that he’s as tall as I am today (or maybe I’m an inch taller).

As I opened my eyes, I gradually gained a clear sight of our mint green wall that bounded the edge of my bed. I felt that my arms were positioned like hugging something so I tried to feel what was I hugging then. To my surprise, there was just my arms forming a ring as I was not hugging any. CREEPY!

ABALAM!!!

My thoughts subconsciously diverted to the name of the devil from the movie “The Last Exorcism,” which I watched just recently. I freaked out that I jumped off my bed immediately and headed to the bathroom and tried to urinate as quick as I can - all that was happening as I tried my best to escape from the thoughts that gave me goosebumps.

I rushed back to my room and lied flat on my bed again… prayed… and was back to sleep in no time.

Panaginip na kung natuloy, di na ko gumising.

Matapos maalimpungatan bandang alas dos y media ng madaling araw, mabilis naman akong nakatulog muli kahit na ninais kong dumilat na lang pagkat kailangan kong magpuyat. At sa ilang saglit lamang mula nang ako’y muling pumikit, balik na naman ako sa mahimbing kong pagkakatulog.

Panaginip. Sa nagdaang linggo, madalas ako’y nakaka-alala ng mga napanaginipan ko. Marahil bunga ito ng kagustuhan kong maalala lahat ng posible kong panaginip. Salamat sa pelikulang INCEPTION at ninais ko ring maging “gising” sa aking panaginip.

At sa aking muling pagtulog, napanaginipan ko ang taong pinaka-aasam asam kong makita muli - ang aking ama.

Ilang taon na rin ang nakalipas mula nang siya ay pumanaw. Hindi ko naman masabing may mga pagsisisi ako sa buhay dahil sa kanyang maagang paglisan sa mundong ito. Bagkos, ito’y mga kaisipang sana ay nagagawa ko ngayong ako’y mulat sa katotohanan kasama siya, ang pinakamahusay kong tagapag-payo.

Sa kasamaang palad, hindi ko maalala ang mga eksaktong bukambibig ng aking ama habang kami ay magkaharap sa aking panaginip at nangungusap. Ngunit alam kong ang aming tagpo ay tagpo ng pangangamusta. Marahil nabanggit ko sa kaniya ang aking kalagayan ngayon…at siya naman ay nagpayo gaya ng “galingan mo,” at “mag-ingat ka palagi!”

“Kuya… KUYA! Ang allowance ko…”

At ako’y nagising. )(&#^$)(^@!!!! Ginising ako ng aking pinsang noo’y papasok na sa paaralan. Alas sinko na pala ng umaga. Marami pa akong nais ikuwento at tanungin kay ama kaya’t dali-dali akong bumalik sa higaan matapos kunin ang ipinatagong pera sa akin at iabot sa kaniya.

Pikit na. PIKIT! At nakabalik ako sa mahimbing kong pagtulog. Ngunit sa muli kong pananaginip, wala na ang aking ama.

Hanggang sa muli nating pagkikita…